Artie, Don't!

Welcome to my inaugural Substack newsletter!

“But what’s with the name?”

Figured you’d ask. So, here goes …

As a three-year-old, I didn’t know my middle name was Myron (it wouldn’t have been my choice, either). Unlike my already-studious older brother, Len, I was a bonditt – curious and prone to mischief.

“Artie, don’t!”

It was my mother’s too-late plea just before I smashed a dish, sprayed Coca-Cola suds on the ceiling, wiped a finger’s worth of nostril discharge on bedroom wallpaper or rolled my father’s manual-shift Ford down the driveway (he neglected to use the emergency brake).

“What’s your name, little boy?” I was asked by the cashier at the A&P, in the waiting room of Dr. Sid’s pediatric office and others. The answer was the same:

“Artie Don’t. Artie Don’t Hor-itz”

Well, I still do … the curiosity and (now occasional) mischief-making part, not the booger-wiping stuff. I’ve come to accept Myron (Meier in Hebrew) as my middle name, too.

So, what does all this mean for you?

The first Friday of each month, you’ll receive exclusive hot takes on current events, an Artie Don’t! poke at a community sacred cow, meet doers of good deeds who don’t seek the spotlight, just wonderings, shout outs and the latest updates on Dual Identities: Living in Meier’s Shadow (Koehler Books, pre-ordering begins Jan. 2), by Artie Don’t Horwitz .

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Chicken and Checkbook Season

The American Jewish philanthropic world is in the midst of the annual chicken-and- checkbook season. Kosher slaughterhouses have been working overtime to assure there are enough breasts – some to be modestly covered in mushroom gravy, others posing atop a pilaf of rice or buckwheat – to qualify for a CPA-approved reminder:

- “$150 of your $250 ticket price is deductible for tax purposes.”

Most of the rest? Well, have you priced out the cost to purchase, prepare, serve and dispose of kosher chicken with the trimmings lately?

So, here’s my beef …

The waste. And the optics.

A fowl-eyed observer at these fundraising events – especially the ones in alter-kock-er-doodle-doo South Florida - can’t ignore the sight of an army of once-plump – but now degraded –chicken remains littering ballroom tables like a Bull Run battlefield. Bearing the fresh wounds of fork stabs and sword slices, they are usually joined by a supporting cast of decapitated broccoli florets, glazed-over carrots and the ubiquitous stench of bowtie-less kasha piles … all on their way to the dumpsters of decomposition.

Doggie bags for the leftovers? Woof! These poked-and-prodded meals never see the inside of one. (Though it’s unfair to compare kosher apples and treife oranges, I’m told Chick-fil-A’s $4.95 chicken breasts are quite good and doggie-bag worthy.)

The result – a ton (figuratively) of expensive protein and vitamin-rich veggies gets tossed. It’s a bad look, especially for organizations whose missions include feeding the locally hungry or fighting famine and starvation globally.

“Yes, but in exchange for a check, our people expect a meal!”

Hmmm. Drawing on the fickle food tastes of my grandchildren, I have a kid-tested and approved suggestion: Macaroni and cheese (of course, with a lactose-free option.) Organizations could still charge $250 (or less) and net greater amounts for their causes. Requests for doggie bags would skyrocket – mac and cheese brings out the kid in alter kockers, too. And ritual slaughterers could spend a bit more quality time with their families or studying ancient texts.

Pasta, anyone?!

Still A Mitzvah Hero

While recently looking through the remarkable William Davidson Digital Archive of Detroit Jewish History, I stopped at the 1992 profile of a then-young man – Ron Elkus. Thirty-three years later, he continues to be “A Man for All Seasons” when it comes to performing quiet acts of lovingkindness. To this day, Ronnie is still involved in tutoring, hospice visits, food banks, philanthropic bike rides, and so much more.

Although he is no longer in the schmatta business, he is still giving the shirt off his back. (His profile is available on the Detroit Jewish News Foundation’s William Davidson Digital Archive of Jewish Detroit History. Once there, access the May 22, 1992 edition and go to page 66.)

Dual Identities Special Alert!

Get ready to vote!

I’m not talking about Tuesday’s election. Rather (psst – it’s not public yet) you’ll have a say in the selection of my book cover for Dual Identities: Living in Meier’s Shadow.

Koehler Books (aka my publisher) believes that you can judge a book by its cover. Within the next two-to-three weeks, their crack team of designers – with input from me as well – will select a couple of finalists for your voting consideration. Included will be a concise description of the book. Then, you’ll be able to choose the one you like best!

Your preferences will influence Koehler’s final decision. Of special note: Every vote cast makes you a not-so-silent partner of mine as we head toward the book’s January 2, 2026 pre-order date.

Just wondering …

- If my suburban Detroit maker of New Haven style ah-beetz has a large coal-fired oven to create a “characteristic char,” why does it have virtually none? If your customers don’t want char, have them go down Middlebelt Road to Buddy’s for a Detroit-style pizza-in-a-steel-pan.

Shout Outs

… To Mark Oppenheimer for his soon-to-be released (March 10, 2026) biography of Judy Blume (Judy Blume: A Life, G.P. Putnam’s Sons.) “To know the name Judy Blume is to know and love literature.”

… To Jessica Brilliant Keener on the upcoming (March, 2026) release of her new novel (Evening Begins the Day, Koehler Books). “Jessica Keener has created a vibrant conversation between ancient Jewish practice (Counting the Omer) and contemporary identity and family life.”

… To filmmaker and documentarian Aviva Kempner for her work-in-progress documentary about Hollywood screenwriter and activist Ben Hecht and the impending re-release of her highly acclaimed “The Life and Times of Hank Greenberg.” For more information and ways to support Aviva’s work, visit www.cieslafoundation.org

Meanwhile, time to order my ah-beetz with mootz with extra char!

Want to hear my hot take on a current issue? Comment on this post with your thoughts or shoot me an email.

See you next month!